New Watering Holes: Practicing Courage Without Self-Abandonment

This week felt like a threshold.

Not a dramatic one — no fireworks, no reinvention — but the quieter kind where you begin to notice that you’re moving differently through the world. Slower. More honestly. Less willing to abandon yourself just to belong.

I took a leap last Friday.
My podcast is called Women Who Dare, and I decided to live up to the name.

I reached out to six people — people I admire, people who feel alive and curious and peer-like — and invited them to be guests as I gently refresh the podcast. This wasn’t a marketing move. It was relational. Tender. Real.

And afterward?
I had what Brené Brown calls a vulnerability hangover.

That night, my nervous system lit up. All my inner voices came to the table — the fearful ones, the insecure ones, the wounded children asking: Why are you doing this? What if they say no? What if you’re rejected?

Instead of shutting them down or pushing through, I stayed. I journaled. I listened. I practiced what I now know is one of my core commitments: not abandoning myself.

I’ve done that for decades — as a survival strategy, as learned helplessness dressed up as niceness. I’m 73 now, and I’m wising up.

What surprised me most?
Almost everyone said yes.

Some are scheduled. Some are pending. One invitation had to be lovingly withdrawn when it turned out it could put someone’s job at risk — and that moment became another test. Could I stop myself from spiraling into rehearsal and self-blame? Could I choose regulation over rumination?

I could. And I did.

This week was also about scouting what I’ve started calling my new watering holes — places where the probability is higher that I might meet people who feel like a chosen family. Fellow edgy travelers. Reciprocal peers. People who take responsibility for their happiness and their suffering. People I don’t have to manage.

I’m not looking to be rescued.
I’m looking to laugh, play, cry, and be honest — side by side.

I’m untethered now in some ways. And more beautifully tethered to myself than ever before.

This week wasn’t about proving anything.
It was about practicing courage without self-erasure.

And that feels like a very good way to begin.