Redefine Success

January in the Celtic Tree Calendar, as taught to me by the ACER Integration Community led by Dr. Ros Watts whispers “this is the month of nest & rest. Time to stop the relentless productivity.” I’ll second that and add - “time to stop the four p’s: proving, producing, performing and people-pleasing.” What I have recently untangled was that these four p’s are the latest ways I have been Self-Abandoning. Yikes! And the other things I discovered, shocker - this is some of my very old behaviors from my Women Who Love Too Much Days. Simply stated, my version of the most profound teachings from that book I studied with my girlfriends is this: Am I a Project or Am I a Partner? How to tell the difference….if I believe that if I just say it the right way, try harder, love harder, do it the right way, then my lover will heal into his or her highest potential and be able and willing to love me in the way I want (pure unadulterated bullshit)! Another king key bullshit belief is that I can talk someone else into wanting to change from being a project into a partner. Nope. Only the person themselves can do that. Fast forward to my wonderful full partner husband who married me, only for me to discover that “I” was the project. Fortunately and luckily, my full partner husband knew this and kept it to himself while I swiftly came to realize Man I’ve got to step up my game cause he is the real deal and I want to do whatever it takes to change into a full partner myself. So I did accomplish most of the journey to full partnership with him in the 28 years we shared. Again, fast forward, eight years to today - after he died - and I just found out that I was treating myself as a “project” that if I just proved I was worthy, performed at the top of Triple AAA personality traits to create a new awesome successful business, if I just moved mountains for myself, then I would be my best self at loving myself. Cough….bullshit….cough! Doesn’t work that way and I’m so glad I caught myself in the act. Now back to nest & rest …. down regulating my nervous system into the optimal window of tolerance …. which is neither living full time in hyper arousal or down in hypoarousal but cozying up in the “calm & ready “ seated in my worth to receive pleasure non-transactionally. Goooo Girl!! Changing on a dime thank you microdosing and not numbing out hardly ever dearheart ….way to notice.